While I typically reserve writing special letters for my Sweet Boy, today I am writing to you. As it turns out, I just received a beautiful present from Paxton. I want to share the gift with you, my greatest supporters.
Last night, my mom, my sister and my dearest friend, Scarlett, joined a sold-out crowd at a Medium Demonstration in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. While I was hopeful Paxton would come through; I was (highly) skeptical of the process, worried he’d be too little to stand out among the other spirits, or thought he may already be fast asleep.
As it turns out, my Sweet Boy was there the entire time; he was so excited to have a chance to talk with me. The Medium said Paxton popped his head into the hallway to greet her before she even came in the auditorium. She explained that, while waving at her, he enthuisatically said, “Hi. Hi. I’m here!” He then ran back into the room, clear to the furthest side, straight up our aisle, stopped right next to my seat. He began pointing at me, while saying, “….my Momma, my Momma”.
She began to enact his adorable spirit. She said, this is strange – because he seems too young to understand this; but, he is holding his fingers up in the peace sign. He is saying, “Me Peace!” “Me Peace!” As my heart banged against my chest wall, and my brain throbbed inside my ears – I was unable to utter a single word to offer the obvious explanation. Paxton did not give up on the Medium, and qualified, “No…me.name.Peace.” My sister gained composure and stated, “His name is Paxton.” (A collective, audible gasp sounded in the room.) In turn, Paxton said, “That’s my Auntie…she gives me kisses…Don’t be sad. Let’s kiss hands. Auntie, I love you too.” The Medium continued to describe his movements and messages: He then ‘crawled’ onto my mom’s lap, squished her face in his hands, and kissed her lips. He said “…Oh, Nana I love you soooo much.” He thanked her for holding him and for “…playing the music from the stuffed animal (Giraffey)…the night in NICU, because it made me feel safe.” (A little known fact: my mom, who we all call Nana, was – in fact – the only other person who held Paxton for a few hours the first night in the NICU. Other than her time holding him, no one other than his Daddy & I even entered the room throughout our stay during our final days together in the NICU.)
At one point, a bit perplexed, the Medium asked me to validate, “…he is blonde, Yes?” I nodded. “Oh, okay. Because you all of you have such dark hair – and he is so blonde”. Paxton asked her to show me that he can jump, “Look! I jump high Momma.” And that he can run, “I run fast.” Paxton also spoke of his illness. He said that while his little body hurt, his heart did not – because it felt so much love. The Medium said Paxton explained he chose me long ago to be his Momma because he knew, no matter what, I would love him unconditionally. And even though we were only together on ‘this side’ for a short time, he “so enjoyed” being my son.
Paxton even referenced recent events in my personal life, and assured me of one very specific event which is ‘soon to come’. He communicated many other detailed messages. All of which were accurately beautiful. Right before he left, he rocked rhythmically in the aisle, and proudly proclaimed, “I know how to sing all the words now, Momma…You are my sunshine, my only sunshine“. At which point, I thought my sister was going to pass out.
He blew kisses to me – and then to everyone. (Of course. My little flirt.) He said, “Bye-Bye!” “Bye-Momma!”
Today my heart is a little lighter. Today my soul holds a sliver of hope. Today my Sweet Boy is with me too.
Thank you, lil’ man. You will always be My Sunshine.