Bolt up! And, Notorious Big may have let you hear swear words.

Paxton,

Remember many months ago when Momma told you I was working on having something extra special occur in your honor? Well, today is the BIG DAY! With big help from one very little woman (with a heart of GOLD), I was successful in making this notion a reality. Surprise! The San Diego Chargers readily and graciously accepted my challenge to lead “charge” against childhood cancer. Today these giant men, with even larger hearts, will give a roaring, thundering voice to thousands of Little Warriors across the land. Today the Chargers will make an unprecedented move as they generate awareness of childhood cancer throughout the NFL.

The Chargers will run a full-page ad in the Chargers’ “Tailgate Times” featuring the Paxton Andrews Foundation. Throughout the game, messages relaying the chilling facts about childhood cancer will play on the jumbotron at Qualcomm Stadium. Slides highlighting the Paxton Andrews Foundation will roll on monitors around the stadium for the entirety of the game. Best of all, the Chargers will name you, Paxton Bowe Andrews, their Honored Hero for today’s game against the Dallas Cowboys.

When the Chargers heard about your beautiful soul and your brave fight, they wanted to help in any way possible. They asked what I most wanted. As always, I said, “awareness”. Yet, I never anticipated their support would be this grand. Though I am not sure why I ever underestimate what can happen when you are involved. Your spirit is so bold and bright, not even an entire NFL organization can help but to fall hopelessly in love with you. The Chargers are a great organization; clearly owned by even greater people. My appreciation is well beyond what even a million words could express.

San Diego Chargers

Incidentally, while I was running at the gym this morning “Going Back to Cali” came on my XM radio channel. Hearing Notorious BIG always makes my insides smile. But given the stir currently going down in Cali over you, I couldn’t help but think you and Biggie worked together to send me that one. (I’d prefer if Biggie would shelter you from his oft vulgar mouth. But, I’m hopeful he gave you ear muffs during the extra-naughty parts.) Sensing you all around me, and with Biggie lacing his lyrically genius beats throughout my soul, I ran faster and farther – and felt stronger – than I have in years. The only thing missing was hydraulics on my treadmill…and of course, you.

I am so very proud of you, Diddy. Enjoy the game. Bolt up!

Stay with me, Sweet Boy.

xoox

Momma

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big things come in little packages.

Hi Diddy,

The past few days have been filled with activity. I’m still on my nation-wide search for peace. Which makes the “filled with activity” somewhat counterintuitive. That’s pretty typical for your Momma, I guess.

Speaking of activity, I’ve been running a lot. Mostly because I haven’t had a gym I can readily go to for months. So I do ninja type things using my body’s resistance and I run. As for the running thing: it turns out I like to chase people. Not in a creepy, killer way. Rather in an “I can catch you” way. Your Momma has somewhat of a competitive side, what can I say? It’s been doing wonders for my pacing. I have a few different routes, depending on my mood and on my legs. There are hills everywhere, and some days I swear someone replaced my legs with Clay Matthews’ legs. Anyway, on my short, non-hill route, I turn around when I hit 12th street. I’ve been trying to hit 12th street, at 12 minutes for two weeks. I finally did it this morning! I also clocked out the distance….exactly a mile and a half. If you do the math, that translates into an 8:00 minute mile. Pow. Your Momma may be old, but she’s slowly getting back into fighting form. I don’t think I could keep up an 8:00 minute mile pace for 4 miles or 5 miles. Unless of course I was chasing people, or just trying to impress you.

While I run, I am always on the lookout for signs of you. It seems like I receive the best ones, when I am not trying so hard to find you. Yet the other day, I stumbled upon one. Literally. On the side of a dilapidated, vacant building, there was a painting. It was a simple compilation of wild flowers and colorful butterflies. Within the collage, in blue paint, were the words, Baby A. It took my breath away. My entire pregnancy you were Baby A – short for Baby Andrews. We didn’t want to find out if you were a boy or a girl until your grand reveal. For the record, I knew you were a boy. In fact, I was so confident that I secretly bought a few boy clothes before I was sentenced to bed rest. (You never got to wear those outfits. It breaks my heart whenever I look at those in particular.) You will always be my sweet Baby A.

The Baby A sign pales in comparison to the run where I found the most amazing thing. (That’s for Ms. Britta. She can’t stand the word amazing. In fact, her crazy daisy self sent me a text at some absurd hour to tell me ‘amazing’ has now surpassed ‘moist’ and ‘luscious’ on her most hated word list. You can agree that’s a pretty serious claim.) I digress, I was half-running across a street when I spotted an object lying in the middle of the street out of the corner of my eye. Sophie! I pivoted, lunged forward, and scooped her into my hand within half a second. I turned in what seemed like 112 circles. No one was in sight. Not a soul. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So, I did both. I clutched Sophie in my sweaty, shaky hand, and carried her with me for the rest of my run. The entire time, my mind raced. “The little-little who dropped her must be so entirely sad.” “I have to find the little-little.” “Paxton would be so happy if I can get her back to her rightful owner.” I went back to the scene of ‘Rescue Sophie-Two’ at the end of my run, half expecting to find a frantic mom scavenging the streets for her. I envisioned the relief on her face when I handed Sophie-Two to her, and planted a kiss on her little-little’s forehead. But, no one was there. With a heaviness in my heart, I took Sophie-Two home. She has been hanging out with Giraffey and Little-Tiny-Bear ever since. Until you whisper exactly the right thing to do with her, Sophie-Two will stay with us. We will take extra special care of her.

In even more exciting news, I connected with a long lost friend a few days ago. I haven’t seen her in 16 years; but that hasn’t stopped her from being one of your ‘Super Fans’. Little Cary has demonstrated stead-fast support for you, in ways both big and small, since last May. Truth be told, my dear, kind, generous friend just happens to have one of the biggest hearts on the planet. After learning she lives in the area, I decided to go out on a limb and send her an email. Unbeknownst to me, LC had just gotten home from work and was going through her mail and email. That afternoon, she received a letter from the museum asking for her annual pledge. LC threw the letter in the garbage. As, she had already decided in lieu donating to the museum, this year she would be donating to the zoo – specifically to the care taking of the giraffes; in honor of you! Moments after her “donation rotation” decision, she opened her email and found the message from me. She is confident this chain of events was not serendipitous. I have to agree. Without pause, LC and I had solidified plans to reunite the next morning. Upon sight, she wrapped me in her arms, and hugged me good and long. Just like that, it was as if no time had passed since we were last together.

A day of non-stop chatter, evolved into dinner, and rolled right up to night-time. LC has something big in the works to help us honor you, Paxton. That woman may be “little”, but she packs a punch. I know she will do whatever she can to lead the “Charge” in helping Momma put childhood cancer on the map. There are one (or two) other very little things she’s trying to help Momma secure as well. All in good time, Diddy. Your Momma has certainly learned how to exercise patience in the last two years. Nonetheless, I am so inspired by LC’s fierce passion for you – that even if nothing materializes, my heart can smile knowing you have another Super Mom who is intensely committed to helping you live on, and to seeing that childhood cancer is put firmly on its ass.

This afternoon, I am heading out to spend the weekend with LC’s family. Somehow, their hearts are even more beautiful than their beloved, adorable son. I am looking forward to being surrounded by familiar faces, warm love, and good souls. I will be sure to keep you posted on the things we get ourselves into. LC already has one plan for Momma. She is able to get me into one of the most beautiful and serene Hindu Temples. She thought it may provide an opportunity to feel closer to you…perhaps, find a sliver of peace to put inside my heart. Peace. It is precisely what I am in search of after all.

I carry you with me everywhere I roam.

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I miss you. I love you. I hope you are happy.

xoox,

Momma